Sleeplessness

I have not got enough sleep in me. The past nights have been more of ponder over the possibilities of life than blissful sleep. My brain activity becomes higher as I sit there doing nothing staring the ceiling. It is apropo that the thinking capacity of my brain amplifies at night. At night there is no one to bother me while I am trying to sleep; except for my own consciousness.

It hurts when I have to wake up thinking all of those things when I am supposed to sleep. I wish that my thinking capacity were the same when I was studying. It would increase my efficiency while I study but that does not happen. Maybe that is because there are people around at daytime who disturb me while I study. That could be one of the reasons why great minds of the worlds used to work in seclusion.

But I always wonder if I do seclude myself from others and focus only at the task at hand then wouldn't it make me an antisocial being. Humans are humans because we can multitask and think. But what if thinking overpowered multitasking and we were just thinking beings who think and do only the task at hand? Is that the same world where only great minds exist? Or is it just a world where we are all vampires who live in the night?

All of these questions would be asked and answered as I lay in my bed alone at night. I will wonder again and again with the same question, “Will I ever find the college I am looking for?”  Yes, for the past weeks this has been the highlight of my life; College education and an aspiration to be one of the greats. It is harder to forget when my peers are already enrolled in colleges and I am still unsure about my future. 

I wonder even more if one of the greats such as Einstein, or Tesla or even Howard Hughes ever had such an impasse in life. There seems to be a jinx in my plans because all that I try to accomplish or plan does not execute or deliver. There were such plans that had odds of not failing and yet they did. This has brought me into deep thinking and sleeplessness. Why is it that my plans for future and present never work out?

Maybe this will be the question of the night tonight!

Dreams

Think about that Porsche that you wanted. Or was it a BMW? Doesn't matter, what matters is that you wanted something. You had a dream and that proves that you have a drive. Well that wish for something or that dream is a proof of who you are. It describes who you are. Your dreams reflect your personality and who you aspire yourself to be.

But what if somebody had no dreams or didn't know what he or she wanted to be? Would he or she reflect nothing? Would he or she still be a part of society? Would he or she ever figure his or her dreams out? Well, these questions make me ponder every night and make me feel more and more suffocated. See, I had it all sorted out but nothing went according to plan and I became an aimless man; A dreamless subject of the ever ambitious society.

See, in my society the person have small dreams of having a big house, cars, and a beautiful wife and means to serve their ends. But that is not my dream. Even if that dream seems shallow to many people from my society they accept it widely. If someone fails to acknowledge this dream then he or she is not fit and is damned in society. In honesty this damnation feels lighter than having to succumb to their dream.

It seems that I don’t have a dream or an aim right now. I need to figure it out and there are lots of people in the world who feel the same. Even without a dream I am choosy of what I do and that is fine. I have time to figure out what I want to do best .That may take my whole lifetime but it would be worth it. I am searching right now and I am young but there are so many people out there who have succumbed to society and have given up their search of their personal dreams. I feel sorry for them.

Yes, material wealth maybe a dream of someone and I respect their dreams but if they want me to chase the same, I have a problem. Here is where I have reached an impasse. I have not yet found what I wish to do. I do not succumb to society then what do I do? My conscience says time will tell me the answer but I do know this about time.

Time and Tide waits for none!

Bullies

Remember that scene from that movie FORREST GUMP. Forrest Gump played by Tom Hanks is chased by bullies while he runs and breaks the shackles from his legs. He is a physically challenged individual in the movie. Needless to say there is a heroine in the background saying “Run Forrest! Run!” which in turn became the iconic phrase from the movie. If you haven’t watched it, I think you got the gist. A boy discovers his true self when the bullies intimidate him.

So, here is the fact about bullies. They are of two types. Ones those are good for us and ones that are bad. Now the thing is people tend to think bullies come in their stereotypes, big and mean. But here is the thing. The ones that come in these stereotypical images are good for us. Weird fact right? How can a bully be good for me? Well, that is hard to say because if we take the physical intimidation and injuries from wedgies then it’s not good. But let’s look at the motivational factor. There are many people have succeeded from trying to upstage bullies. For example Napoleon Bonaparte who wanted to upstage his bullies who bullied him about his height and succeeded.

But, what about the second kind of bullies? Who are they? Well, look no further it’s you. Technically you because it’s your consciousness putting you down. See, the lesson from that Tom Hanks movie scene is breaking your shackles from your mind that you have made yourself. Beat the bully inside you.

Well, it’s hard. That is why the scene is iconic and that is why we don’t see such scenes in our daily lives. You, me and everyone has a hard time beating this bully. This bully knows everything about us and beats us down with self doubt which is hard for the other kind. The large amount of courage needed to face this bully is the thing that separates us from failure and success and I have seen this as a proof in my own life. The amount of courage required for me to do singing was pretty hard. I had to fight myself and put the bully down. Even though I wasn’t good at it, I did it and it was liberating.

So, the point is if you want to succeed then defeat the bullies. Around you or inside you, beat them!