Sleeplessness

I have not got enough sleep in me. The past nights have been more of ponder over the possibilities of life than blissful sleep. My brain activity becomes higher as I sit there doing nothing staring the ceiling. It is apropo that the thinking capacity of my brain amplifies at night. At night there is no one to bother me while I am trying to sleep; except for my own consciousness.

It hurts when I have to wake up thinking all of those things when I am supposed to sleep. I wish that my thinking capacity were the same when I was studying. It would increase my efficiency while I study but that does not happen. Maybe that is because there are people around at daytime who disturb me while I study. That could be one of the reasons why great minds of the worlds used to work in seclusion.

But I always wonder if I do seclude myself from others and focus only at the task at hand then wouldn't it make me an antisocial being. Humans are humans because we can multitask and think. But what if thinking overpowered multitasking and we were just thinking beings who think and do only the task at hand? Is that the same world where only great minds exist? Or is it just a world where we are all vampires who live in the night?

All of these questions would be asked and answered as I lay in my bed alone at night. I will wonder again and again with the same question, “Will I ever find the college I am looking for?”  Yes, for the past weeks this has been the highlight of my life; College education and an aspiration to be one of the greats. It is harder to forget when my peers are already enrolled in colleges and I am still unsure about my future. 

I wonder even more if one of the greats such as Einstein, or Tesla or even Howard Hughes ever had such an impasse in life. There seems to be a jinx in my plans because all that I try to accomplish or plan does not execute or deliver. There were such plans that had odds of not failing and yet they did. This has brought me into deep thinking and sleeplessness. Why is it that my plans for future and present never work out?

Maybe this will be the question of the night tonight!